I'm not creative. And other lies I've believed.

So this whole writing thing is still very new to me. I've always been a decent writer- loved working my way through an analytical essay in high school, but chalked that up to me being analytical in nature. Write a fiction short story? No thank you. I can write what I know, what is true in nature or science or my heart. I can write a facebook status about depression or my body or other truthy truths that can't live in my head for one more second. But I've never considered myself creative. I enjoyed art class in school, but I wasn't an artist. I've always baked, but in my mind that was more chemistry than art. And DIY projects at home- well those are learning skills or a means to make our ever changing houses into homes. I would laugh when looking at beautiful art and tell people, "I don't have a creative bone in my body." I was smart and logical and a little silly, but not creative. Creative was a box for artists and musicians. Painters and potters and glass blowers and sculptors. I didn't feel like I could fit into that box too. The artists would look at me, with their paint splattered overalls and wonder why I was there.

But I've been doing some introspection and here's what I've recently figured out... You ready?

My whole belief system about creativity is horseshit. You ARE creative, Jackie. You realize that, right? There is no creative box. That's the whole point of creation- there is no box. There are all these worlds of skill and passion, and they're not reserved for only art majors and musicians. And you know what? It's been so freaking fun to realize this because now I finally have the ability to change the narrative. I'm a creative person. ugh, I cringe a little to say that, because well, imposter syndrome. But I just keep practicing. I'm creative. I'm a creative thinker and baker and DIY'er, and dare I say writer. I created humans for gods sake.

And so now this leads me to wonder... What other lies have I believed about myself? What other narratives can I begin to change in my head? I don't have to be the smart one, or the funny one, or the creative one, or the sporty one. I can be all the things, right? That's what gives our life color and interest.

But also, what about other truths that I currently tell myself? If I don't like them, can I change them just by declaring them untrue? For example, I'm always late. Ugh, I know. I'm sorry. I always think that things won't take as much time as they do. Well what if I start saying that I'm a prompt person? "I arrive promptly for events." If I believe it enough, will it start to come true? How about "I'm a patient mother." When I start to lose my shit because I told my son countless times to do his reading then at 9pm find out that he never did... if in that moment I repeat the mantra that "I'm a patient mother," will I eventually become that woman? Mantra's sound so woo woo but they've honestly been so important to me. I got through the toddler years with undiagnosed anxiety by constantly telling myself "This is not an emergency. This is not an emergency." It helped to take me out of that flight or fight mode and bring me back to present when kids would fight putting on their shoes or spilled cereal for the 86th time.

So wow. That's a lot to unpack. But I want to know- What narrative has always been in your head? Who have you told yourself you cannot be? And who would you let yourself be if you really grew into your truest self?